Life Lessons

 I have become fond of the idea of writing down my thoughts and experiences. If only I acted on that desire, rather than dreaming about what I would say and never actually doing anything about it. However, tonight I have decided to act. Not because I want a popular blog or huge following, because I really just want to talk. I am far too talkative and am definitely an over-sharer in day to day life, so why not channel that into my own little corner of the internet? Exactly!

I don't expect to be regular at this, I know I am a procrastinator and will likely go for long periods without writing; but with the way my life is going lately, I really feel a stronger urge to write. About my chronic illnesses, surgeries, procedures, family, and all of the struggles that go along with that. I am, after all, still very young and have so many life lessons still ahead of me. I am excited to chronicle them.

me right before surgery

Lesson #1: You Can Be Grumpy When You're In Pain*
Let it go. Stop feeling guilty about being snippy, then in turn become more frustrated and start this vicious cycle of over apologizing and tensing up over the slightest things - only to worsen your pain and situation rather than find productive ways to help your pain. (*However, you are NOT allowed to maliciously attack anyone, especially those who are trying to help you.) There really is a difference between that and simply not feeling well, and not being in the best mood. God has blessed me with a very understanding and patient husband that does not take my ill mood personally, instead he knows what it means and says to me directly, "you are in pain, have you done anything to help this pain? Is there anything I can do to help you?" which makes it easy for me to, in turn, check myself and my actions and answer him accordingly. It is sinful of me to answer him with anything other than gratitude and respect.

I am about 2 weeks post operation (this makes surgery #5) and this is a lesson that I am learning repeatedly. Lord willing I will only get better at responding with grace rather than misdirected annoyance. I say misdirected because while it is one thing to be annoyed at your pain, it is another (and more grievous thing entirely) to direct said annoyance onto loved ones. If I am brutally honest with myself, I will admit that I do this way more than I should. 
For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18
Please, dear Lord, forgive me for my impatience and help me to endure my struggles with joy, grace and patience. Help me as I strive to be like you.  
But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, long suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth. Psalm 86:15